My son

I want to talk about the different experiences we've gone through with kids.I'll start with our first pregnancy. (Don't worry, I won't bore you by making it long) We had decided to wait until starting a family until we had been married a bit longer. No sooner had we decided that, then we were pregnant. Well, my wife was, but you know what I mean. We ended up having countelss ultrasounds, doctors appointments, my wife was hospitalized twice... it was tough. Various doctors had told us multiple times that our baby was dead and even if it wasn't, it would not make it to term. We never expected to even see our baby live. We just kept praying that the baby would make it through one more day! It was totally by God's grace that our son was born. When he came into the world, we knew that we needed to name him Emmanuel. For those that don't know, that means "God with us". It was amazing to finally be a dad! I remember that as a kid, I would dream about it. What it would feel like to see a little person running around and know that part of them was you. I remember praying that my future children would find good spouses and that I would be a good dad. When I was 7 or 8, I made a list of my biggest fears. Number 2 on the list was that I would find the right woman to marry and number one was that I would be a good father to my children. Anyway, that brings me to the end of pregnancy one.

The reason behind the name

This will be short. I just wanted to post the reason why I chose the name I did for the blog. It comes from Psalm 102, an image that resonates deeply with me. You can lok it up if you want. I recomend the reading to anyone, even if you think that the Bible is a made-up work of fiction, please read it and appreciate it for the poetic value. Here is a song that takes its lyrics from that passage. It is by an artist named Geoffrey Oreyema. He is a Nigerian exile. Anyone who has lived in another land, or lived in a foreign culture can hurt along with the lyrics. Anyway, enjoy the haunting music.

Geoffrey Oreyema, Nomad

Fiddlers Green

There is a song by The Tragically Hip called, Fiddlers Green. It is a song about a young boy who dies. It is this song which I am listening to as I write. My wife just had a miscarriage today; the song makes me think of the child, where they are and what could have been. There is a struggle going on in me. This is our fourth miscarriage. We are blessed with two children and God has seen fit to take the other four before we got to meet them. I don't even know what to say... I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this right now; like a lot of guys, I am not really sure how to get them out or even come to terms with them. I guess that is kind of the reason for this outlet. Maybe if I write, I'll be able to work through some of this, get some insight from others going through similar times, or maybe even you reading this helps a bit. Thanks for stumbling onto this and giving some of your time to listen. Perhaps exploring some of these experiences will shed some light or meaning on my grasp of life and death... perhaps not. Either way, I need to talk to someone, I can't be the Rock or the Island forever.